Tag Archives: hometown

“Yeah, I’m actually doing quite well. I just received my acceptance letter to…

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… the NASA astronaut training program in Cape Canaveral. I’m psyched!!! They only accept .001% of the applicants. What have you been up to? I heard you married Tammy, had a baby, and now have a mortgage.”

The holiday season is here, and I’m excited!!! Over the course of the next week, many of us will be flying or driving (or hopefully NOT walking up the basement stairs) to spend time with family, loved ones, and yes, good old hometown friends that we haven’t seen in a long time. You’ll eat some tasty grub with the family, try to ignore the fact that your mother is totally out of touch with reality, and then you’ll head out to the local bar to regain your sanity. Still with me?

As Maverick said in Top Gun (<—Great Movie) “This is a target rich environment.” You got that right Mav. Instead of boning the physicist who later turns out to be your boss, you become the physicist. You become the professional poker player rounding it out in Reno. You become the top lawn mower salesman in Nebraska. You become whoever the fuck you want. I just got goosebumps. The point is… it’s time to bust out the hobby lie that you’ve been working on all year long. If you get busted, shake it off. Do you really care what these people think of you or if you see them again? No. This is a hobby liar’s paradise, NOTHING TO LOSE AND EVERYTHING TO GAIN.

Instead of watching “A Christmas Story” for the upteenth time this year, I want you to get off your butt, get out the door, and lie your ass off to every vaguely familiar face that you come across. Tip: If your looking for a lie to spread like wildfire, tell it to an old high school teacher. Also, don’t forget that a well placed hobby lie will put that smug fuck who’s actually doing what he wants for a living back in his place.

To make this blog slightly more interactive, I’d like everyone who reads this blog to report back after the holidays about the hobby lie that they told and how it went. Keep in mind, you can lie about hobby lying over the break. Just make it interesting. The best hobby lie (my choice) will receive an award.

Happy Hobby Lying!!!