Monthly Archives: August 2007

Pooping with Sunglasses On

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If you’ve never tried it, you should. I just did, and it felt great. I feel as though I’ve just discovered something that can make pooping an even more enjoyable experience than it already is.

Although we take pleasure in putting ass to seat, it can sometimes be an activity that generates some self consciousness (bad odors, sloppy sounds, splattering (WB)). You all know what I’m talking about. There have been many instances when I’ve been in the process of taking a crap within earshot of another person and felt as though I was doing something illegal. I felt GUILTY for pooping!!! What was the source of this guilt you ask? It was the fact that I might have to come face to face with the person who had just listened to my winking anus. For me, I honestly don’t know what’s worse… walking into a bathroom, making eye contact with a guy at a urinal, going into a stall, and waiting for the kerplunk of the first turd to hit the water or ripping a huge fart while sitting in an empty bathroom just as someone walks in. Yeah, it freaks me out!!!!

The solution….. SUNGLASSES. You can blow your ass out in the stall and not have to worry about it as long as you’ve got your trusty shades on. Think about it… if you’ve got your Shitter Shades (patent pending), you can walk out of that stall with your head held high. You can achieve minimal eye contact while maintaining a snooty bathroom arrogance. The other people in the bathroom will forget all about the fact that you just ravaged the toilet. Instead of wondering what you ate for lunch, they’ll be wondering things like where you’re going, what you read, and what kind of jeans you’re wearing.

If you’re a full fledged I don’t give a fuck shitter, good for you. If you’re not, I highly recommend the Shitter Shade Pooping with Sunglasses On method. It WILL change your life.